It's like an addiction. You just have to have more. Once you've tasted it, there is no turning back.

Tasting the forbidden fruit. Do it to me one more time. From start to finish. Nothing else is like it. You spellbound me.

The way you move, the way you speak. You know what I desire. The way you move you tease me. I just want to feel me inside you. Each time we part, I find another reason why, to be with you.

Do it to me one more time . . .

I need you.

I know it's hard to love me.

You make love slow and easy.

I just want you here inside me.

 

May U Live 2 See The Dawn

 

Can you honestly deny yourself something that you don't want to?

Keep up a pretence of one thing, while dwelling on another?

Can you deny being human?

It's wrong, but it feels so right. Another time, another place, another universe. It might have been different. If there were a parallel universe then maybe.

Can't say that anyone person on the earth has not had that thought about something that they discover/find/someone they meet. We all have, even if the present isn't a regret, there is something that we might want to change, but the thought of the present makes us wonder of the alternative in our head would be what we would think it to be.

May U Live 2 See The Dawn

Boy do I have one . . .

I fell asleep on the couch . . .

I was walking to my car while talking to my friend. As we round the corner of my apartment complex there is a woman sitting in my car. I argue about how I am going to hit him over the head for doing that to me, and he says something about cutting off my finger.

I get in my car and talk to the girl and am real nice to her, and then she leaves. (It was funny that my friend in this dream was someone who had I been single when we became friends would pull something like that.)

*I woke up myself to some noise or thinking I heard one of the kids or something and then went back to bed about 15-20 minutes later*

I'm driving home from somewhere back to my apartment. As I get closer I can see there is something wrong. There is smoke coming out of it and as I turn around I could see half the building was caved in. (And this was a big one, like 30 plus stories, like the kind of building were all going to live in the future. Also for some reason I think that came from the Muir (sp?) building pictures I remember seeing in school.)

Now there is the thought of my wife and kids. This is when my dream tells me for some reason we are divorced and my kids are grown and on their own. But I guess if I figured something like this happened, then why not other buildings.

Anyways, I go into the building, taking the stairs and everything is everywhere. Exposed wires, bodies, debris, etc. I'm hearing nothing though, besides crackles of electricity and whatnot. Like there is no one in this huge building alive.

I start feeling like there is a presence in the building, and it's watching/following me. For some reason I sense it isn't human. Don't know how, I just do. It's like I suddenly know what's going on. I instantly know that my wife and children are not safe. Something happened to me, it was like being consumed by the symbiote costume. In the end it came out like a cross between Venom and Obsidian.

Obsidian

 I then was able to cross through dimensions, although I didn't know it at the the, I was just flying to get to them. My wife stayed in a complex like mine. I remember flying there to search for her to make sure she was okay. (I'll omit all the strange and unrelated things I saw on my way that make no sense in relation to the story unless this is a Pink Floyd music video). But this is the strangest thing. I was flying so fast in a rush that I passed into another dimension and ended up in my house.

And there I was looking at myself sleeping and realizing that the dimension or universe that I was in was not the way things were suppose to be. Like the one I was in wasn't right. I should have never been divorced from my wife and not able to see my kids. This was the way things were suppose to be, not the way they were.

And then I woke up. Man talk about bizarre. Dr. Fredric Wertham would be proud to know that comics have even effected the outcome of my dreams, where there is world of violence, I'm divorced from my wife and never see my kids.

May U Live 2 See The Dawn

Haven't been doing to well keeping up posting here. I don't know if it's that I just don't feel the effort anymore, or if it's just that my creativity has hit a slump.

At any rate, I wanted to thank each of you all for your comments on my previous post, and let you know that I considered and took each one to heart and mind. I have to make things better for myself, but it is my responsibility.

I think maybe the job is more of it then I am willing to admit. Mostly because I don't like change. I also haven't had a long track record at one job since my first job out of high school that I did for over 5 years. Also there is the issue of that damnable money. I have to care for my family on one income, and sometimes it is scary to think of having to go out and look for jobs, and find none that pay as well. Either that or to get the money one needs to survive you have to do just something else that you don't want to do.

I have had a change in what job I do. It's a lot different then what I use to do, and ends me up locked up in an office more, and in front of a computer more than I even had to before. Which so far is going okay, I guess.

Also with the rise in the price of oil, the industry could take a turn for the worse at anytime. Already (with my new job being on the production side of the company and dealing with our machinist) Richard (shop manager for the machinist) is already telling me that the work that they have is getting less and less. The work orders that I brought over to him Friday, were enough work to keep them busy through next week. If I don't have more work for them, and the salesmen aren't selling enough, he won't have any parts to put in the machines.

This is an up and down industry and this day was always in the future. Richard (shop manager) told me that this industry makes no friends, it only makes enemies. It's a dog eat dog world, and when the shit hits the fan and business is hard to come by, then the knives will be stabbed in people's backs, all to make a buck.

I am going to make an attempt to post here more often and visit everyone else's weblogs as well. I thank yall for still reading despite my absence here. Thank you again.

May U Live 2 See The Dawn

I want my life over again, this time with feeling.

I've spent so much time compressing the negative feelings that I have sold myself out of my positive feelings. With this I am unable to feel anything. Anything at all.

Worse then that, I am setting the worst of examples to my sons.

When my mother-in-law passed away, Marc would see his mother crying because she lost her mother. He asked me why I wasn't crying. He thought that I wasn't sad because I couldn't cry. Or didn't. Either way.

But why didn't I? It's not like I didn't feel the absence of her. She was a great mother-in-law. She accepted me and what Angela and I have. She didn't belittle us or pry in our business.

I really think that at this point in my life, I am incapable of feeling anything anymore. From the smallest happiness to the smallest anger. My whole life can be summed up in "meh".

Sometimes I want to let it all out. But I honestly don't think that is really an option to me anymore. In my effort to block out the negative emotions, I have sold out the good ones. So I have paid the price to this point. It is the redemption, I am wondering if there is. I don't think that there is. I think that I have made my bed, and now I must sleep in it. The worse thing about it is, I am not the only one that sleeps in this bed. I am effecting others.

Have you ever really felt that you wanted to just let it all out? Give in?

I can't make it happen. I might not ever be able to. But at least for those of you that do have a grasp on yourself, you that have a balance, I wish the best for you . . .

May U Live 2 See The Dawn