Ever feel like you know it all, but absolutly nothing?  If that makes sense at all, then you know exactly what I am saying and the rest of this post is just going to be moot.

Perceptions, are really something interesting.  For some people they are one thing and for others they are something totally different.  People see things differently and they reason things differently.  Some people are amazing at the "mystrey" movies.  Others are in the totally dark, but at the same time can feel the emotion of a critical situation, or as I hate to use a clique, a tear-jerker.

I always raze Mrs. Warlock, one time when she was watching "The Bodygaurd".  For some reason Kevin Costner makes my skin crawl, but I sat and watched about 15-20 minutes of the movie.  I hesitated to say something, but then asked her if she had seen this movie before.  She said yes.  I said -- it's her sister.  And from that 15 minutes I figured the whole plot.  But when we are cuddled there watching a movie, and all of a sudden I hear her sniffling and feel her chest shaking, I look at the TV screen and wonder what she is crying about.  The emotion just isn't there.  I can't make something out of nothing at all.  Or what is nothing to me.

But she can.  She makes love out of nothing at all, everyday, married to me.  Why?  It just me.  I am sometimes the kind of person to take and not give.  Be someone that I really don't want to be, but am.

There is one movie that continually jerks my emotions.  And I know that members of the He-Man Women Haters Club, might give me some hell, but I am in good with the founder and have a bit of emotional dirt on him too.  8-)  "Fools Rush In".  I think it is because I found and still find that in our marriage, alot of the things that we have dealt with, and deal with, are because we ended up getting to know each other more in the marriage, then in the 3 months that we knew each other before we got married.  Don't get me wrong, I love her, and would do any of her bidding no matter how twisted and sick it might be.  Not because I have no sense of right and wrong, but because I owe so much to her, and I can't repay her in my lifetime.

I'm scared of dying, but I am not afraid of growing old with her.  I fear death because there is nothing else after it for people like me.  She has a hope, and a reason to continue on.  Me, after her there is nothing.

"And I know just where to touch you, and I know just what to prove, I know when to pull you closer, and I know when to let you loose, and I know the night is fading, and I know that time is gonna to fly, and I'm never gonna tell you everything, I gotta tell you, but I know I've got to give it a try . . . but I don't know how to leave you, and I'll never let you fall.  And I don't know how you do it  . . . making love out of nothing at all."

Man who have his hand in pocket all day, feel cocky.

 

Holding something dear to our hearts . . .

It's always the first thing that we hurt. Lash out with our anger and our indignation. So close to us that we can't seem to hurt it. Like spear to Jesus' side, when hung, what more pain could you feel? But they can. They feel the hurt, because you don't think that they do.

So close to us . . .

That we tend to want to ignore them. Turning a grain of sand in your shoe, to a callous. Beating the dead, bloated horse, until bodily gases explode the carcass. I won't do it again, I swear. But there we are again. Dragging the carcass down the path . . . still can't let go.

Being human . . .

Is the shits. It's the greatest high. Either way, your perpective can only be altered by staring at the sun too long. Then when looking away, we see the fruits of our stupidity. Next thing, it will take a solar eclipse to wake up and smell the whithering roses, sitting in a vase on a dusty table, where a family no longer gathers to eat.

In the end . . .

Life is perception. Life is hell. Life is heaven. Life is what I make it to be. Life is not what someone else makes it to be.

Life is life.
Death is death.

You can't have one without the other.

. . . you can't have happiness unless you are sad.

One year ago today, I found blogstream through the magic of google search. I kept hearing this word "blog". I asked Mrs. Warlock what the hell is a blog? Well upon finding out what it was, I thought, here is my outlet to find others that share my love and passion for comic books. Since then, this blog has become anything but about comics. It has taken a turn that I never intended, but am not sorry that it did. I started a comic book blog and one for my other love video games.

I guess that is because I had no intention of sharing so much of myself with so many people. I don't usually like to talk about my feelings, and share my fears. It is a weakness. Mine anyway. But it has been for good and bad. I have made many friends here. And because I don't want to leave anyone out, I will not list names. Well sorry, I have to name at least one, my boy Shane. I haven't had friends (besides my wife's family, and although they are good friends, it is friends by association to her, not ones I made on my own) since I moved here to Oklahoma. My wife's childhood friend, who swears he didn't perm his hair, and unfortunately doesn't realize the best beer is Coors, and a few co-workers that I have come to know, are about all that I can call friends. That is before I came here to blogstream. I have made many friends here, and if it weren't for distance's sake, I would party with you all, all night long. That being if I could get a babysitter.

I don't regret anything that I have shared with all of you. From some personal things that even I can't tell my parents, to the funny quirks that make me senile (but not to Seven's degree). Speaking of which, where the hell have you been dude?

Thank you all for your time, comments, friendship, laughs, and tears. We have all had a helluva time here, and I'll be with this thing here until Pioneer decides it's time to end it, if he ever does. I want to leave you with something, someone had wrote to me, when I was in a particularly depressed time, that as of now doesn't seem to matter. But then I guess it did.

If your still reading, Raven, thanks . . .

A Sonnet For Myung
by Raven
Ramblings of an old soul
poetryandpolitics.blogstream.com

If only life were as we wish that it would be
All the wonder I could wish for, now let me see

I would wish that love and kindness would fill my life
And that goodness filled my heart, as I love my wife

I would wish that all my children would turn out good
And that I would be successful - at doing fatherhood

I could feel the gratitude when the day was done
And all of my family - would always be as one

And if I didn’t get - all that I had wished for
I would still count my blessings, I’ve been given more

Than many, that I have known since I was very young
Though I didn’t get the girl - I would have named Myung

May U Live 2 See The Dawn (I had eel tempura at a Japanese sushi bar, for those wondering what the hell the title means.) Yummy! 8-)