Okay here it goes . . . the subject of all subjects. Yeah, I got it all right here. All the details and all the fun, all wrapped up into one activity that only you can do for yourself. Yes this is fun at home, all alone, in the cold. Got a clue? Get some lube! Yeppers -- masturbation.
Let's dispel some myths . . .
1) Women do masturbate guys.
2) Men do not masturbate to replace sex. They just masturbate (sometimes) because there is no sex. (As in would you rather me masturbate to porn, or visit the gal down the street when your gone?)
3) Masturbation is a great stress reliever. (Ironically so is sex.)
4) Masturbation does have its advantages. According to Miss Chandabear, semen is a great skin moisturizer. There for chronic masturbation leads to baby soft hands.
Now masturbation has been around since man realized that his hand could reach down to his penis. No doubt the first case of successful masturbation either came from the first vigorous shaking when completing urination or the first case of soap (a crude lubricant) cleanings of a man's penis.
But when did women discover that they too could enjoy the act of masturbating? Well as a rule women are usually more attune to their bodies, but for some reason this doesn't take place with the obviously capable act of masturbation. Why do you ask? Well I'll let you in on a secret. Women think that self-pleasuring is somehow a slap to their partner. (Although for some reason this doesn't apply when after sex a woman wishes to reach another orgasm. Yeah guys, as if you wouldn't if we could have multiple orgasms.) Although as noble as this is, it is moot. Men don't take them things that seriously. Some even enjoy watching their ladies masturbate and reach climax.
Masturbation like anything else is something that of course can be overdone. Yes, masturbation is addictive. Like drugs, alcohol, caffeine, and porn; masturbation can be abused. When one would rather masturbate then participate in sex, you've gone to far. Now chronic masturbation in between sexual escapades is okay. Some people just need more. As long as your partner is satisfied with the sexual frequency then there should be no need to curb one's masturbation practices. Masturbation should just not replace sex.
I'll let you in on a conversation, that I plan to use as a basis when it comes time for me to talk to my boys about masturbation. This comes from the genius of Eugene Levy (Mr. Levinstein) from American Pie, when talking to his son Jim. Let's take a look . . .
(Jim's Dad) Yeah. Jim, I want to talk about masturbation. Now, I just want you to know that it's-it's a perfectly normal, uh, thing. And I have to admit, uh, you know. I did a fair bit of masturbating when I was a little younger. I, uh-- I used to call it "stroking the salami."
(Jim) (Groans)
(Jim's Dad) Yeah, you know, "pounding the ol' pud." I never did it with baked goods. But you know your Uncle Mort? He "pinched the one-eyed snake" five, six times a day. See, it's like, uh, practice for the big game. You see? It's like-- It's like... banging a tennis ball against a brick wall. Which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.
(Jim) Right.
(Jim's Dad) It's not a game.
(Jim) No.
(Jim's Dad) What you want is you want a partner to return the ball. Do you want a partner?
(Jim) Yeah. Yeah-Yeah, I want a partner.
(Jim's Dad) You do want a partner?
(Jim) Oh, I want a partner.
(Jim's Dad) Want a partner.
(Jim) Of course.
(Jim's Dad) Good. Good
See that's good stuff. Practical, yet steering towards not letting masturbation replace the importance of sex. However, if masturbation is a substitute for one of my sons involving themselves in sex at too young of an age, or with someone that they don't care for; then I as their father will give them a frickin parade for pleasuring themselves. Better to deal with that then a pregnant teenage girl.
So there you go fathers. Think of it as a great deterrent to something much worse. After all, I'd rather provide masturbation material for my son, then try and help him care for a child at 15 years old.
And if Christina can "touch myself" then I'd be more than happy to voyeur that.
Something has been on my mind. Because of events, I for the first time ever (which is totally contrary to what I believe) have considered owning a handgun.
I fear for the safety of my wife and our two female neighbors, because of some people that have recently moved close to both of us. One guy in particular of the two that moved into the house next to us, is a jackass. Two things in particular factor into this I am sure. I think he is already naturally a dick, and then factor in the large amounts of alcohol he consumes and the amount of people he parties with almost every night, have lead to some scary outcomes.
Our next door neighbor has told us on several occasions, when he has had parties that he has come to her door, obviously drunk, and made crude passes/statements to her, that made her feel uncomfortable. She told Mrs. Warlock, that she has felt unsafe because of him. One time he called her at work, saying -- "When are you going to come over and let me play with them big ole titties.", and then hung up on her.
I know these types of men. I worked with a guy, who on consuming alcohol became one of the biggest assholes I have ever know. If he would stay sober, he was a helluva guy. I don't know if this guy is the same, because I have never talked to him when he was sober, except the first time that he came over and introduced himself to us, when they were moving in.
I really am afraid that this guy is going to cause harm to these gals that live next door to us, and of course Mrs. Warlock. And of course, that would render him dead. There again, why I fear buying a gun. I wouldn't want to kill someone no matter what they did, but in a case such as that I don't know if I would be thinking rationally. But on the other side, I would want to do all in my power to prevent/stop such an incident.
Rational thinking tells me that a gun is not going to help the situation. But I have never owned one, fired one, held one, in all my life, so I have a great respect for what they can do, both good and/or harm.
(On a side note, as I was doing some research on different handguns, I came across a startling/sickening fact. Here in the great USofA, a assault rifle, in the case of the one that I saw, can fire 100 bullets in a minute, are open for sale, for any that can pass a screening. Now who in fuck needs that kind of weapon?)
So I guess I am asking, yall's opinion. Whether you own a gun or not, I am wanting to hear both sides of this here coin. If you do own a handgun, why? If not, why? Are they really able to bring safety to you and yours? And if I do decide to get one, what is a recommendation for a first time buyer? A pistol, or a revolver?
I have a co-worker that does these shooting tournaments, so I know somebody that I can practice with, if it comes to that. Also my father-in-law owns both handguns and rifles, so I can ask advice of him too.
He knocked on the door, but there was no answer. He hesitated to open the door and peer in. Instinct told him that something wasn't normal, otherwise she would have not invited him over, in such a peculiar way.
He turned the doorknob. It was open. He stuck his head inside the door and called her name. There was no answer. He walked through the doorway and into the foray. He called again. No answer. It started to become worrisome.
She had lost her husband in a car wreck not too long ago, and had been quite depressed and secluded since then. Admittedly, he felt guilty. It was as if he might as well been the drunk driver behind the wheel that killed her husband. It was not as if he was really guilty of it, just . . . well . . . He had always been attracted to her.
From the day that his friend had introduced them, when they went on a couples date, he could think of nothing else. He dreamed of her, daydreamed of her, fantasied about her, to the point that it was most unhealthy. Because of this most of his female relationships were trivial (for him) with no intention of any commitment. He was searching for another her, and he couldn't find it. It was a frustrating search that only compounded his feelings.
He called out to her again.
"I'm in the back room."
He walked towards the room in the back of the house. He could feel some kind of deep seated passion well up inside his throat like acid reflux. He turned the corner to the room that she was in. He looked inside and there she was. He felt a stimulus well all up inside of his body.
He looked at her, as though there was nothing that he could do to stop what he wanted to do. Her body just called out to him, and the sultry outfit she was wearing was doing nothing to help. The leather corset that she was wearing pressed her body into the perfect, petite hourglass. Her legs were adorned with smooth black stocking held up by the perfection that is called a garter belt. And those heels. Perfect, just the kind that he likes. With the fat, thick heels, and the length of the boot up to the knee. It was something that it seemed she just pulled right out of his fantasy and laid it all right out there for him. The visual stimulus was more than his body could actually express. All accented by the elbow length silk gloves and her hair pulled up in a two hairpin sticks, with just the proper amount of hair to fall to her shoulders . . . just a few strands. Enough to just tickle her neck and shoulders. Like teasing strands of hair that called out to him to touch her in the sweetest, most tender way. The kind of erotic touch that would send the shivers through her body to the point of an orgasm that would be like nothing that she had ever felt. Her body just seemed to shine. Shine with a sexual power that tested all his limits. The way that the corset shaped her body; her hips, breasts, waist. It was like a visual orgasm, standing before him. He could already feel his hands round the smoothness of her thighs and hips. A caressing feeling. Electrifying and accenting her nerve endings. Touching and teasing. A scenario he had played in his head a thousand times. Maybe a million. Now it could become a reality. A most pleasing reality. Something that reached to the very pinnacle of his sexual prowess. Yes this was it. What he had been waiting for.
"I know that you have planned and dreamed this moment since the day you met me. I know I could see it in your eyes. I know you want to pleasure every part of my body for your own carnal pleasures."
She paused. Took a few steps closer to him. Almost close enough to take his breath away. She reached down and took his crotch in her hand.
"Now is your chance."
Her husband had been dead for only a month. His friend. He wanted to take her and give her all that he could give.
His body told him this was what he wanted, what he desired. But . . . his mind, it told him . . . remember your friend.
It's all Shane's fault. Yeah my boy, I'm sorry it's all your fault.
You see Shane called out all the ladies and his boys to come to the chat room last night. I think it was the war of the sexes. Or maybe it was just a way for him to be surrounded by all these fine ladies here on blogstream. I really do think that's what it is, but I have been told I can be naive about things of the opposite sex.
"The trees are out, and birds are having sex with the bees, or so that is how I understand it." -- Bart Simpson
So I decided to come and see what the deal was, as Mrs. Warlock and the boys are with her parents preparing for today, (which I am supposing to be getting ready to leave and not doing a post . . . uhoh) and I think that what Shane really coaxed me into was playing DJ. Which of course just tickles the hell out of me that no one complained that half my tracks were Prince. Mixed with some Gregory Abbot, Marvin Gaye, Bel Biv Devoe, and Silk. Yes, damn straight, old school.
HOLLA!
And I think that this was one of the first times that I got to chat with Miss Christine (My Way To Vent). And what surprises me, is I didn't even know that it was here. I mean she did have a different chat user, but I should have been able to figure it was her I guess. Sorry Miss Christine.
Weeeeel, I'd better get ready otherwise Mrs. Warlock won't be be nice to me and whip me for being late. 8-)
Need a visual aid . . .?
Ha! (ala Mrs Krabappel)
Hmmm, I'm about to get loose, come here girl I wanna knock dem boots.
We exited the transport, Tifa, cut ahead, followed by Yuffie and myself. Tifa was always so excited about everything. She seemed to jump up and down with excitement as we stood there. Not knowing quite what lay ahead of us. This was as far as the transport would take us, Icicle Inn. From there we would have to trek through the Great Glacier and Gaea Cliffs to reach the Crater. It would be a cold hard drive, and it would not be easy. Yet there she is just rearing to go.
"Ladies, once we pass through the Great Glacier, we will have to climb the Gaea Cliffs. The Gaea Cliffs are home to some of the most dangerous monsters, next to those that reside in the Crater. The Marlboro in particular can attack with poison breath that can cause all kinds of status effects."
"We can kick them Cid!"
I looked at Yuffie. "But we must be careful. Yes, Tifa has posiona and esuna, but if she if hit with confuse or sleep see will be unable to cast a spell. And I am the only one with a Ribbon." I looked back at Yuffie. "Yuffie do we have either a Poison Ring or Headband?"
Yuffie rummaged in her backpack for a moment. She produced a pale green stoned ring. "Here's the Poison Ring, Cid."
"Good, you were the Poison Ring, Yuffie. If we have a Headband give it to Tifa." Yuffie rummaged some more. She finally produced a thin cloth headband, and handed it to Tifa. Tifa took it, and tied it around her head.
"Now once, we climb the cliffs and get inside the caves, I know where there is another Ribbon that we can retrieve. But until we encounter a Master Tonberry that Yuffie can Morph to a Ribbon, we will have to make due with two."
"Let's go already Cid!"
We had a ways to walk before we reached Icicle Inn, where we could at least get a room, and rest, and possibly find a shop in which to buy supplies and possible weapons. Icicle Inn was a small town that was at the top of the Great Glacier, and often did not get many visitors. The possibilities of being able to reequip with new weapons wasn't very likely. I always liked to keep at least three of my spears. Tifa's weapons were of course gloves, so it was much easier for her to keep more of them with her. Yuffie usually only kept one other Shuriken besides her original one. It was a gift from her sensi who taught her, her ninja skills.
They trudged through the snow silently, there wasn't much to say. Not much wander in this cold except Bandersnatches and Jumpings. They were not difficult foes. It was the cold more than anything that was a deterrent to their progress.
I watched Yuffie and Tifa, as they walked in front of me. I could tell that Yuffie was just dying to talk to Tifa. But this Tifa had a way about her that was so strange. She seemed very cold and distant. She didn't want to share and she seemed to go through the motions as if they were to just keep the peace. Almost like she was a loner, but for some reason held onto the team. It really made me wonder, just what was under her skin. Maybe it was the effects of carrying so much materia.
Materia reacted differently to each person. Sometimes it would make people almost zombie-like, when given to much materia. However, summons and magic materia were the two worst. Command materia hardly ever did such things to it's carrier. Although there were Independents and Supporters, almost anyone could use Independent and Support materia. Many times, really close people, siblings; especially twins, married couples, and those with extremely close friendships could work together as one . . . one with Magic materia and one with Support Materia.
Support and Independent materia were hardly ever handed out to Summoners or Healers, except the obligatory All materia for a Healer. However I had scored a Final Attack materia to pair with my Phoenix summons. That was Reno's gift to me, and it could be the single most important materia that would keep us going. If defeated in battle, my Phoenix would be summoned with my Final Attack and thereby raise any of us to life again. A true lifesaver.
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