I can remember the day that she left me. My children and my life. Because since then, I have had none.

It was two years after the legend of Cloud Strife. Sephiroth had been defeated and Meteor destroyed by the planet's life stream. Although Midgar lay in ruins, the planet continued to grow and the wound that Shinra brought upon this planet slowly began to heal. With Nanaki (Red XIII was the name he was given by Shinra's scientist Hojo) and his legacy guarding the planet, things looked to be in favor of the planet.

That was before him . . . and the collection of Mother.

Both sides came together in this one. For Rude and Reno, it was Elena's death. For Cloud Strife, it was inevitable.

Damn him . . .

Kadaj . . .

She told me . . . I can still hear her words. The last words that I ever heard . . .

"I'm taking the boys to the store."

"Cid wake up!" Yuffie shook my shoulder to awaken me. I looked at Yuffie and she smiled. It was funny that they always seemed to place the Yuffie's with the original Yuffie's personality. Ever the optimist, ever the giddiest. I looked at Tifa, yet she said nothing. I liked Tifa . . . when she did speak everyone listened. I didn't wonder sometimes if she was going to be the first female Cloud Strife.

"Cid, are we there yet? I wanna use my materia, and kick some ass out there." I looked up at Yuffie. Her petite body just bounced up and down out of the bench of the transport like it were a trampoline. Unlimited energy and optimism. So strange . . . to me, I could never understand such a view in the wake of such a violent and dangerous world. Nothing seemed to matter and the more that one tried to look to the good in the world some sort of evil came upon us. It was always in the wake of Sephiroth, the ultimate evil from the makings of Jenova cells.

"Cid, aren't you going to talk to me?" I wanted to say something, but I felt that every word that I spoke would crush this young girls hopes for the future.

"Soon Yuffie."

Tifa looked over at me, as though I was the plague of all mankind. Which I kind of got. Tifa's were exceptionally opinionated, and always spoke their mind. But this Tifa seemed different. I don't know. This one was definitely hard to read.

"Cid . . . how come you never talk?" Yuffie stared at me, as though she was not going to let me go until I told her. She was such a young recruit too, as most Yuffie's were. But it almost felt like there was something evil and selfish about pulling a girl so young, with so much ahead in her life, to a somewhat accepted death.

There was something that Reno always told me when I was training, and I will never forget it. One time when Reno dogged and dogged him to summon Knight of the Round, to end the battle, instead of summoning Phoenix to raise a fallen team member. I wouldn't do it. Reno told me something that he told Cloud Strife . . . your such a handful. Then he said . . .

"They may have classified you as a Cid, but your aura is that of the first Cloud Strife since the original."

"Cid, are you paying attention."

"I'm sorry Yuffie."

"Don't be, you say that too much."

Kadaj . . . you have made me who I am. And I shall never summon for evil. Bahamut shall not be for evil. Never again. I never got to tell he I loved her. Penance shall forever be my shadow, and forgiveness shall always be out of my reach.

The transport stopped.

"Tifa, Yuffie, you ready?"

"Alright Cid, let's go kick some ass!"

May U Live 2 See The Dawn

I heard a loud pop. Like a crack of thunder. Then two more. I sat up in my bed, and turned and put my feet on the floor. I reached from the bed and snatched open the blinds. And there through the picture window I could see a rising mushroom cloud, and the emanating ring of destruction that was moving away from it towards me.

My phone beeped.

What do you do in the remaining seconds of life that you have? What is the most important thing to do.

I picked up my phone, and there was a text message. I looked up and the wave was getting closer. I looked down at the phone, and read the following message . . .

YOU HAVE BEEN SELECTED TO BE A SURVIVOR. NO HARM WILL COME TO YOU.

The wave of destruction passed over my home in a white blinding light.

When I awoke, I was in the back of a covered van, laying on the hard floor. Two men were in the back with me. One on each side of me sitting on small benches inside the truck.

I was instructed that I was to serve a agency outside of all government policies, in the apprehension of the person responsible for what had happened. I was told that I was a user of Materia (damn I have to stop playing FF7 so much), and that my body would accept it and use it. I was also told that I was a summoner. I had a connection with summon monsters that no other person had to date. The acceptance rate by which these summon monsters operated on was higher than any other human being. I was also told that the perpetrator of this villainy that almost wiped out the human race, was a being more powerful than any other.

I was told of the story of the first time that the Black Materia was used for the gaining of power by Sephiroth. Most people knew the legend, but many also taught their children this story as a legend, much like Santa Claus. This far into history since the calling of Meteor and the saving of the planet by Cloud Strife and Areis, most people didn't teach it as history but as a story.

I was given a spear staff. I was given the name Cid, and told that any name that I had gone by before was null and void. Certain groups of people were sectioned off into groups. By the types of materia that they could use, and the type of weapon that they used, based on names of the original saviors of the planet led by Cloud Strife.

Since I wielded a spear, I was Cid. Cid the Summoner of Tokyo 2099. You name, type of materia, home, and the number in order that you were recruited from said city. Adam meant nothing anymore. As well, as I had nothing to live for anyways. I've been alone for a long time now, and I was on nothing but a track of self-destruction for the sorrow of my loss.

Nothing was more crucial than finding this villain, whose name we were not told at the time. Unfortunately, all knew that there were still Jenova cells in possession of people who were still above the established government, at the fall of Shinra Inc., and the death of the president of Shinra.

My first stop, was to be left at a training camp run by Rude and Reno of the now dissolved Turks. Since Elena's death, Rude and Reno were determined not to let happen what had just transpired with the desired collection of Jenova's cells from the Advent Children. Sephiroth was defeated again, thanks to Cloud Strife.

I was told that Rude and Reno were particularly hard on those that were left at their camp. However, only the highest ranking fighters, and most compatible materia users were left at Rude and Reno's camp. The rest . . .

Well ever war needs cannon fodder . . .

Sick world isn't it?

I trained alot. Reno in particular gave me no rest. I would summon for hours on end, until each and every summons that was resting in my body, was summoned to his exact speed. I particularly had trouble with Ifrit. He's a stubborn one. Hades and Alexander took a particular liking to me. That's funny . . . two sides of the coin. Dark and Holy.

Rude trained for the physical battle. One can't always rely on materia no matter how proficient one might be. Also, an important part of physical battle lie in one's limit. When one reaches their limit, the aura of one's soul releases an attack that is unreachable until that point. Sometimes ones limit can turn the tables on the battle.

After almost a year of intensive training, I was to be paired with two others, and sent out on my mission. As a summoner, I was needed to be paired up with a green magic user and sometimes a bruiser, or one that had powerful physical attacks. Green magic users or healers, as they were sometimes called, were usually female. There was something about the female soul that made them good healers. There were very few male healers, or Red XIII. That is because men usually didn't have the pure soul that Red XIII did, and so most healers were female.

Now there were two kinds of female healers. You were either a Tifa or an Aries. Tifa's were also good fighters. Although not as many were Tifa's as Aries'. That is because Tifa's when reaching their limit had a powerful chain of attacks that not many people had a powerful enough aura to pull off. Areis' were 99% magic users, and were there strictly for healing and magic. That is why when paired with a Areis, one was usually paired with a Barret, a bruiser. Barret's had powerful attacks and could sustain great amounts of damage in order to protect the team's healer.

However, was not the case for my team. I was paired with Tifa the Healer of Brazil 717 and Yuffie the Commander of Russia 997. Commanders were those that were proficient at the use of Command Materia. Commands such as Manipulate, Morph, Sense (although Red XIII were the best users of Sense), Mime and Throw.

All parties were given a said amount of items, weapons, armor and accessories. Items were also able to be retrieved from fallen foes, and then added to ones party.

Once our team was paired and given our tasks we were to set out and accomplish them. We were one of the few teams that were actually given to the task to eventually confront our enemy. The true villain. Of all those recruited, in the end, only three teams would confront the villain in the end, in hopes to defeat him.

It would be a task that would be most difficult. But I had confidence. I had a good team that were good with their weapons and their materia.

I had great confidence that we would succeed.

May U Live 2 See The Dawn

Growing Pains . . .

Growing up in St.Louis  . . . North Side (Holla!)   . . . and some effects on the person that I am more than I expected it to.  Granted we all mold ourselves to what out surrounding and friends are on.   I could recite Mack 10's "Take A Hit" before I could tell you the words to AC/DC's "She Shook Me All Night Long".  I'd rather sip gin&juice than beer.  Smoke blunts than Marlboro's.  Get me some ebony love.  (Side note:  I thought once you've had black you never go back.  Guess I got some bad chocolate.)  Pimp out, mack out, all the thing that was too hard in 1994.  The year that I became black.  Back before I listened to Slayer, jammed to Pink Floyd and would have told you that there is nothing better than turning up the volume to Silverchair.  Pre- DJ Magic Mike.  Yeah, you know, 12'ves, boxes, Caddies, amps, "Friday" and Outkast (before white people discovered them with "Hey Ya!".  Silly white people).

Now you'd never guess that I ain't black.  Don't get me wrong my soul is black.  I'll mourn for Marvin Gaye and Barry White, before I do the Beatles (cept John Lennon, "Imagine" is the single most greatest song, even compared to Prince).  Now there is nothing like hearing the riff of Angus Young in "Back In Black", for which Gap will burn in the foulest levels of hell for their horribly fucking blatant use of that riff to sell their god-damn jeans.  Audrey Hepburn may you rest in peace from these damn hell spawns of advertising managers.

Back when Ice Cube made khakis, Chuck's, and t-shirt popular.  Before Eminem made it popular for us white boys.  Back when Micheal Clark Duncan appeared with Tiny "Zeus" Lister Jr. (Debo) in "Friday".  Now we all know who he is.  Thanks to Stan Lee and Daredevil.  Holla Big Shane!

"The older the berry the sweeter the juice."

"Man, that's the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice."

"Well, she blacker than a mother-fucker too."

Now I enjoy the best of both worlds.  I have a taste of Aerosmith and then switch to Craig Mack in the same hour.  Sweet ain't it.

Well all change as we get older.  We thought back in the day that nothing was going to change.  We'd always be hangin with our boys.  Crusin in our Caddies, bumpin the jams and bustin bass that made the old folks pissed as hell.  Those were the days.  The days before jobs (out of necessity), women, and children.  Yeah those was the days.

"Hey Smokie, buy me a Forty for my birthday."

"Today's your birthday?"

"What's today?"

"Cm'on!"

Funny isn't it.

Well this white boy had a bit of reminiscing to do, as he refreshed himself on what happen back in day.  Old school.  Ain't that played out dawg?

Peace.  Holla!

Little small creatures scurried under his feet. The larval type pupa of something larger. Something maybe more fearsome, but certainly something larger. They scurried about under his feet, weaving in and out of his steps avoiding oblivion.

There was a growth all over the walls of the cave. Almost moss-like but a bit more moist and stringy. Kind of like when you spit and you get a stringer hanging from you bottom lip. It was all over the cave like that. And it seemed to be moving. Maybe sentient, but definitely eerie. He wondered.

He reached into his pocket, fishing around his change and pulled out his can of Copenhagen. He pull a fresh dip from the can and packed it in his lower lip. He walked closer to the nearest wall, peering at the goo. He got almost nose to nose with it. And deep within his lungs and sinuses, he muscled up a nice snuff filled loogie and hawked it at the wall. The goo almost came alive as soon as the spit came into contact with it. Moving at the presence of a foreigner in its midst. Before he knew it the goo and covered and consumed his spit before his eyes.

That's fucked up. He shook his head and continued to walk, leaving a trail of snuff spit it his footsteps.

He came to a clearing in the cave. It was quite wide open and littered with both stalactites and stalagmites, jutting here and there. Somewhere water was dripping, like a leaking faucet and echoing in the vastness of the cave. Almost like the harbinger of something worse. As if the silence could only be broken by the authority of it's voice. He had been walking for awhile, a prior to that had drank some vodka at his campsite, and decided to sit up against one of the stalagmites and rest.

His eyes fluttered open and he looked around groggily. It took him a few minutes to realize that he had feel asleep against this rock, and was not sure of the time that had past. (He was never one to wear a watch.) And since he knew that his cellphone would not have worked in these caves, he left it at the campsite. He looked around a bit more, as he contemplated getting up and heading back to camp. That was before he heard something. It wasn't the water dripping. Come to think of it, that had stopped too. Must have been when he was asleep. Or so he guessed. Yeah that must be it.

He wondered what the sound was as it was not very audible when he heard it the first time. Reminded him of the bad idea of drinking that vodka before he had left the camp. But what the hell, it's not like there was anything living in these cave besides your average bats and whatnot. But then he didn't keep much on animal life. Why watch the nature programs when he could watch porn. I mean come on, what man wouldn't.

Finally he decided to get up and find out what it was. He braced himself on the stalagmite and pulled himself up onto his feet. He staggered a bit, from the vodka? Well that and his feet being groggy from sitting still for as long as it seemed he had been asleep. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his Zippo and cigars. Light one, and continued on toward where he thought the sound had originated.

He had a lot of bad habits, but cigars were his worse. He smoked them like he had lungs that could heal themselves. He sniffed the air. He seemed stagnant. Like there had not been air movement in here for awhile. More and more he could sense that something had transpired while he had been sleeping. Something that he was surprised his senses hadn't alerted him to.

He chuckled to himself. What was he worried about. I mean what creature in there right mind would tangle with a wolverine. Mean SOB's they are.

Now his curiosity had him. Had him bad.

May U Live 2 See The Dawn

I have to do this.  I don't know if it will work, or if I will be able to, but I must make the attempt.

My son couldn't reach me last night.  Couldn't wake me up.  And I don't remember it.

I scared him and I don't remember it.

I failed him and I don't remember it.

And today he, does not hold it against me.  But I do.

Until Wensday Nov. 15th, I am making a promise to stay sober.  If I can reach that time, I will try and extend it.  But four days is a helluva lot.  But I can do it.  Not for him, but for me.  As I proved last night I can't do it for anyone else.

Hope I can do it  . . .

May U Live 2 See The Dawn