Mother: Hi Justin! This is your mother it is 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous, and a little, well it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous too. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya. Take care honey, I know you're under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye Bye!

Sound familiar?  I wonder if it is genuine.

I have to block out thoughts of you, so i don't loose my head

They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed

Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone

If I don't block out thoughts of you, I find that my emotions get the best of me.  I find myself actually feeling sorry for myself, as if it really fucking matters.  Who gives a fuck about me and mine.  Apparently they don't.  Four months old and they haven't even seen him.

Angry?  I guess I am.  Angry or sad I'm pissed at myself for even giving a shit.  Yeah they gave me life, but they aren't a part of it now.  That I can get past.  But my boys?  They don't understand that some jackass proclaiming God's "word" separates them from their grandparents.  That's bullshit.  I don't care if both my sons marry men, I will not let my insecurities disrupt the relationship with my sons.  Never.  No never.

Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home

There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain

An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?

And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face

And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted this

Sometimes it seems as though a hardcore porn movie is just a tame reality of what the fuck goes on in my head.  Mild compared to what I conjure up.  That is all I want, some peace.  If you don't want to share your lives with my children, then just leave me the hell alone.  I mean don't feed them lines that are just patranizing.  I don't need it.  Apparently, I don't need you.  But my children do.  Let's leave this petty trivial shit called religion between us and not take it out on the children.  Don't fuck them up worse than the world already will.

As sick as it is, if I never heard from you again, it wouldn't matter.  You aren't doing this for me, these attempts to love me, it is for you.  But your god can see in your soul, and that is what scares you.  I don't have a god so therefore, I have nothing to fear.  I can be me.  And you know what, if I am wrong, fuck it, I lived my life to the fullest, and no manner of eternal torture can take that from me.  So yes I am thumbing at you and your god.  You don't need me, I don't need either of you.  Hell or not . . . fuck it.

Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swallow

Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

Hate me, it doesn't matter.  I don't hate you, I hate what you have become.  Empty shells in the name of man's religion.  Man's!  Fuck man and their religion.

I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with

The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing that I won't touch again

In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night

While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight

You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate

You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take

And yet you blatantly ignore my obvious problem with alcohol.  What the hell is up with that?  I mean what you want to browbeat me for using tobacco, using that shit to say that you can't come see your grandchildren?  All the while I battle with an addiction that is far more powerful that nicotine.  Why the fuck won't you acknowledge that?  Is it because it scares you?  That a damn drunk has children, and that damn drunk is your son?  Because I can't deal, I drink.  Yeah, I drink.  You can't ignore that.  As much as you want to.  Fuck, what I am even trying for.

So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind

And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

I will drive as fucking far as I need to if that is what makes you feel better.  The further the distance the more excuses that you have to not come see your grandchildren.  Yeah I know there is always an excuse.  Every month, every year.  And yet it's my fault.  But isn't it always my fucking fault.  Yeah, fuck him too, if God judges me like that, that's my sentiment.  I have my faults, but god-dammit I'd die a horrible death for my wife and boys.  And no god-damn religion can change that.  Fuckin hate me.

Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swallow 

Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

Nothing changes, no matter what.  If you hate me, you hate me.  I don't fault you.  I am not the son that you tried to raise.  I drink and use tobacco.  I curse and swear and enjoy the carnal pleasure of porn, oral sex, ass spanking, and telling her to fuck me like a man whore.  Yeah I know, things you would never admit to, if you knew of them.  Fucking like a dog, now that's carnal sin.  But you know what, god-damn does it feel good.

And when the sad hard eyes say bye to you and wave

Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made

And like a baby boy I never was a man

I've made plenty of mistakes.  And yes I admit to most of them.  So I kick those "shadows" aside, trying my best to be a good father and husband.  But that doesn't matter to you does it?  No.  Hell no.  I'm a god-damn sinner.  And your god shall judge me.  But when that happens it does.  Until them . . . fuck em.  I've have three people in my life that are more important than the blood that courses through my veins, no matter how diluted with gin it is right now.

Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand

And then I found out I can't make it go away, just make it stop

Come back and shine just like it used to be

And then she whispered "How could you did this to me?"

I can't make it go away.  Only they can.  Maybe that is the realization that I needed to come to.  I would cry if I could, but I have no water left to give.  I gave up on tears for you along time ago.  A long time ago when you cared not of her pure soul, but what god she worshipped.  So the last fucking thing I want you to say is, "How could you do this to me?"  Because it is always about you isn't?  Never about Marc. never about Ian, never about Angela, my angel with an "a"?  It's always you and your fucking god . . .

Hate me today

Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me and wait, yeah wait for it to swallow

Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you, for you, for you, for you...

For all the things that I didn't do for you . . .

The morning after . . . I read this now and I see alot of hate in my words. I said then that I don't hate them, but when I read it now it doesn't seem that way. I really don't want to hate them, and I really don't want to have to say things like that. But I'm leaving it up, because it may hurt to read these words now, but they are still the truth. And sorry Shane for letting you and my family down last night. Damn that gin. Your boy will get back on track, I promise.

Last Saturday, Mrs. Warlock and I went to do some Christmas shopping since we were child-free. Sometime in the afternoon, I felt the need for a drink. Driving and shopping grate on nerves I sometimes forget I have. Not to say that it was a total loss as I scored Skies of Arcadia: Legends for my GameCube. Finally another turn based RPG.

But anyway, we stopped at Chili's (a bar and grill) and after a coke & bourbon and a beer, I decided I wanted a gin&juice. So the waitress comes by and I tell her . . .

I'd like a gin&juice with Blue Sapphire (a brand of gin).

Well a few minutes later she comes back by our table and asks me . . .

What kind of juice did you want with your gin?

And I suddenly realized that "gin&juice" isn't a universal term.

What kind of juice did I want?

And for you Big Shane . . .



May U Live 2 See The Dawn

Okay, it's not Friday, and I have more than five, so I guess this can't be a Friday Five. And I really don't know what to do with Wensday, since, a number really doesn't come to mind. But at any rate, I am going to go ahead and do this regardless . . .

Adam's multiple reasons to visit the Orient . . .

























Kind of makes a man jealous that he isn't a woman with all those beautiful cloths they get to wear. Ahh well, I wouldn't look good in them anyway . . . I ain't got no hips. 8-)

And finally one for Marc . . . at random . . .



Although Biggie will tell you that this was by far random . . . something about a gay wild card or something, I dunno . . .

May U Live 2 See The Dawn

I had all six of the Infinity Gems at one time. Upon relinquishing the gems from the hand of evil, I was with every intention, going to use this power for the betterment of mankind, and all being universe wide.

But I found that the mantle of supremacy was hard to handle. At any one time, I could hear the thousands of voices, that called for justice. I could feel the rotation and orbit of millions of planets. I could feel a sun burst into a supernova, as if it happened right inside of my head. There was nothing that I was not responsible to. With this overwhelming rock on my shoulders, like a cosmic Atlas, I began to wonder how I were to make these decisions for the betterment of everyone.

I at least knew that my arch nemesis and sometimes companion of sorts, Thanos, was not the source for the awesome power of the Infinity Gems. He only sought the adoration of the lady Death at the time.

So knowing that, I knew that I had to expel both extremities of my soul from me, so that I could make decisions based purely on fact, knowledge and insight . . . not raw emotions.

My dark side. . . . Magus.



You see we all have a dark side, and mine was quite the evil being. Magus' only concern was the total domination of the universe, with him ruling as supreme being. Nothing and no one would stand in his way. All that did were crushed beneath his feet. Those that did seek to ally themselves with him, were used and discarded like a Styrofoam cup, no longer of use to him, once they were drained.

Magus, my evil, started the Infinity War. A war that encompassed all and enveloped everything. Nothing would stop him from his quest, and those that tried were of little avail, as he himself did gain the Infinity Gems. It was a dark time, to see the evil I expelled from myself cause such death and destruction. It was a true universal holocaust.

Then there was Goddess . . .



Goddess represented all that was "good" and "pure" in my soul. But anything good or evil in extreme is destructive. The zealot calling that she claimed and the souls that she was able to cull was simply horrifying.

You see, whether the intention is pure or not, the manner to which goals are achieved is where lies the true intent. The good of religion and God can be used to an evil end, even if her means were not as blatantly obvious as those of Magus.

She wished to cleanse the universe of all that had ill intentions. But because her being was made up of all my zealotry, then her view of what was ill was clouded. Everyone and all were looked at through a microscope of angelic proportions. Those that didn't comply, reach her criteria, tasted the righteous flames of her hand.

In the end, neither Magus or Goddess were any different, just their methods.

The only was that I was able to save the universe from these beings, these fractions of myself, were to merge once again, and make myself whole. But what I did learn, was that no one needs to have absolute power. No matter the intention, the calling of such power brings back the primal, dark instinct to dominate.

So upon my whole self coming together, I decided to split up the power of the soul gems. I kept one for myself. Distributed four between four close friends, and the sixth, to an unknown person.

The Infinity Watch (the three branches of government) were now responsible to use their power for the betterment of the people, so that no one person could attain such power again.

Tomorrow form your own Infinity Watch. Because whether Magus or Goddess gets the soul gems, were are all . . .

SCREWED!

May U Live 2 See The Dawn

This post dedicated to Mokie . . . who tiredly reminds us of the power that we the people have.



Why do I have "Older Man Men . . . Meet 1000's of older men seeking men" on the top of my post? What did I say to get such an advertisment. I'd better go make sure Biggie isn't playing a practical joke on me. 8-)

Sorry for it being so late and all.  Just was so busy yesterday, and didn't get a chance to give my opinion on a good scare.  That being Ju-on, the Japanese horror film that the American movie The Grudge was based on.  Although similar, the scare tatics of the Japanese are so much differnet than ours.  I thought that I would share this bit of the movie with you all, hope it gives you a good scare.

Aaahhhhhhhhhaaahhhhhhhh!

 

 

 

 

Need to change your drawers??? 8-)

May U Live 2 See The Dawn