It was dangerously scary. The dread would totally envelope you. With no escape in sight. As if the horrible dread darkness was just behind you, tapping on your shoulder. You want to turn around, but you know that what you see behind you is something that human eyes were never meant to see. Something that only God could explain to you why he allowed such evil.

The putrid smell of cheap whiskey and the overpowering stench of human body odor. The smirking yellow teeth of bad dental hygiene. Truly an affront to the human existence.

The clammy touch of cold, sweaty hands. The kind of perspiration that smells more than it appears. The shakiness of a drug addict and the calm precision of one meaning you harm. Not the kind with the base intentions of greed. Now this is a harm and a violence that is beyond what we were meant to understand. Not because it is horrific and bloody, but because it is based upon the deepest inset emotions that reside in us all.

Destructive powers at work that take time and patience to develop. Not your average everyday jackass with a gun. Not some drunk redneck with a rife. This is a evil that can make a bullet wound feel like the spilling of your bowels. Have you ever seen your own intestines? Would you like to? I know you would. And I can show you what it is that excites me. What you don't like to feel pain? How come? I thought everyone like to feel pain. The warm sensation that overcomes the body's senses as something catatonic happens to your body.

I remember the first time that I laid some one's intestine out in front of them. I remember them holding them in their hands, not quite realizing what it was exactly. You see it takes the brain a minute to receive such a message from the optical fibers. The brain was not meant to compute such a situation. And yet the glory of such a sight is what keeps me going. He looked at them as though he didn't quite understand what had happened to him. It was as though the brain couldn't compute it, but I knew that is was just a matter of time before it did. I remember leaning over to him and whispering into his ear, as he started to shake from shock --

"I bet your wife just tastes delicious."

You should have seen the dying look of shock on his face. The horror that he was trying to contemplate. All I was looking for was a good meal, and she just looked so god-damn delicious. I wanted to eat her like a ravenous lion devouring it's prey. But I think that he thought that was somewhat strange. I was quite pleased to watch the last traces of his life evaporate from his eyes. The soul is in the eyes. Hmmm yes it is in the eyes.

I shall enjoy devouring her. From the sweet meat of her thighs all the way to the tender neck bone meat. Yes she will be most delicious. I am so hungry, and I must be on my way. I am sorry, good sir, that you had to come between my dinner and I, but such is the price to pay, for a good meal.

A happy meal. All boxed up and ready to go. I love drive-thrus.

Do I get a toy, with my meal?

You have to smoke it though. And the meat just falls right off the bones. It so tender and juicy if you do it right.

It's like heaven. Yes heaven. I don't know how people can eat that animal meat. I just don't know. It is beyond me.

Is it beyond you?

I shall leave you with the sweet thought of pulling that tender meat right of the femur bone, feeling it between your teeth. Letting it melt in your mouth.

Bon Appetite.

Riding with the Captain in his many flavors.

Okay, let's see, you've got Captain Morgan Parrot's Bay (Miss Chey) sweet and nice. Although too much and you'll get so use to the sweetness you won't know how you did without it.

Captain Morgan Silver Rum -- the original. The Captain before work. Nice and settled but a bit uneasy. I mean hey, who likes going to work?

Captain Morgan Spiced Rum -- spicy. The Captain after work. Relaxed and enjoying the sweet and spicy things in life.

Captain Morgan Special Reserve -- special. I believe that only Miss Chey knows the Special Reserve. 8-)

Captain Morgan Tattoo. I dunno about this one, I've just now tried it. But I will keep my eyes peeled. At the moment, I believe that this is the Captain jammin to the great blues music.

May U Live 2 See The Dawn

"You and the Captain, make it happen!"

You remember that jackass, that cut in front of you because he was too busy calling in pizza to take home to cover his ass for being a bad father, and you swerved off the road?

How come you can't get any peace night or day?

What about that time, some inebriated relative you haven't heard from in years calls at 3am in the morning? And why could he wake you up? Cellphones.

And remember that time that you were trying to get 3 things done at one time, and guess what? Yeah. Damn cellphones.

SO what would the world be like without cellphones? Well people would still drive like monkeys getting a full rectal exam because they are just idiots. But cellphones add just one more thing to do for people that have no business multitasking. Can you imagine, like actually getting AWAY, without having to come back home and people think you fell off the face of the earth because you didn't answer your damn cellphone.

I swear if I miss a call from some people (besides work) you'd be lead to believe that I was passed out on the floor from drinking too much Jagermeister and Red Bull. (Which did incidentally happen when I was talking to my wife's cousin and took a tumble down the stairs.)

So a world without cellphones . . . Think of the Tootsie Roll commercial (thanks to Napalm). How many cellphones would it take to get to the human center of the human race?

May U Live 2 See The Dawn

"Copenhagen, always good in a pinch."

And so the hordes of flies that have invaded my home, have left nothing but what they couldn't carry. Leaving nothing but my son, myself, a full 1.75 liter of Seagram's 7, my wife and mother-in-law. All while I was smashing gamma freaks into the ground while reacting a scene from Hulk: Ultimate Destruction.

I chased after them quite a ways down the street, trying to retrieve my Copenhagen and collection of porno films. When asking the flies what they needed with my girl-on-girl porn, they said that they needed it to distract the spiders, when trying to drown them in the half-pint of Smirnoff vodka that they had taken.

Upon my frustrations, I returned home to find that they had picked the house clean of anything that was useful or not. Infuriated by their audacity to do such a thing, I decided to chase them down the street further, in my Star Wars boxers, waving my flyswatters (the ones that look like little hands) and screaming at the top of my voice --

"ALL HAIL THE WONDER THAT IS TIFA'S ABILITY TO STAND UP DESPITE HER UNPREPORTIONED BODY!"

To say the least this attracted much attention. As I looked behind me a mob of people were following me, likewise in many different types of boxer (and on a happy side and a scary one, the women were just wearing boxers) waving their flyswatters, and yelling similar inappropriate curses at the flies.

Upon defeating the horde we returned to our homes and celebrated with cheap wine and songs of the Neil Diamond and the Barry Manilow.

Peace be with you.

May U Live 2 See The Dawn

"Could I have your name sir?"
"Rock Strongo."
"Your real name, please."
"Lance Uppercut."
"Thank you, Mr. Uppercut."

I was reminded of something that I saw on TV one time, by someone who commented on one of my posts a few days back.

It was a skit I remebered from a stand-up routine of Bill Cosby. In this skit Bill is talking to this co-worker (I believe) about cocaine, and the attraction people have to it . . .

BC - "What is it about cocaine that makes it so appealing?"

CW - "Well it intensifies your personaility!"

BC - "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?"

And that is one to grow on . . .

Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Seasame Street?

<-----For Seven . . . May U Live 2 See The Dawn

"Parents don't want justice, they want quiet!"