Here is some scenes from Final Fantasy: Advent Children to the song "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" by Bonnie Tyler. Enjoy.

May U Live 2 See The Dawn

 

"Put it in the fridge Moe, I got a date with my wife."

Let me share a little bit about myself, as a few things that I have read and a few comments that I have left, have inspired me to share something about myself.

Everyday, it is a battle for me. My weaknesses and insecurities consume me, and I look for an outlet. For me that outlet, is alcohol.

Alcohol and the abuse of it, is a choice someone makes each time that they take a drink. Yes alcohol itself is addicting, and can have a hold on a person. But at some point, the person keeps giving in. I am not talking about going out with friends on Saturday night and getting drunk. After all, we are all human and enjoy being "enlightened" by alcohol. In such cases the worst that someone can do is drive after consuming too much alcohol. I am speaking of people that are dependant on alcohol each day. Whether it be one drink a day, or a pint of gin a day. They are dependant on the affect that alcohol gives their bodies.

And yet despite this, I have been told that some view alcoholism as a disease. That I cannot buy. There is a point when someone must take responsibility for what they do to themselves, and what they do to others. Let me share an example . . .

I had a good friend when I still lived in St.Louis, whose girlfriend worked at the same convenience store that I did. My friend was a good friend, in fact he was the one responsible for introducing me to Final Fantasy VII. But this was one of the very few, if not worst example of a person that changes when they consume alcohol. For one, he became verbally abusive to his girlfriend (who ironically I hit on like a squirrel trying to get a nut, and still did, jokingly, even after we became friends) which pissed me right the fuck off. There is nothing that I detest more than a man that does not respect a lady. And there were other things, he was always trying to start fights and things like that. And I had my inclinations that he may have physically abused Miss Heather (his girlfriend) and throw racial slurs at her (her mother and father where white and black), and just be an all around asshole.

So, yes, alcohol, does effect people, their personalities and their judgements. But he knew the way that he acted. Because he would have to go to Miss Heather’s mother’s house and try to get he to come home with him. He would wake up with the bruises from the fights he would get in, and the numerous tickets for DUI’s and DWI’s.

So maybe he wasn't a good friend. Well he was, as long as he didn’t drink. He was a Jekyll/Hyde. And that was one beer or 13 beers, it didn’t really matter, but of course the more that he did drink the worse that he got. But he decided that he didn't want to give up what he liked no matter what it made him to do people. He didn't take the responsibility to keep his self-control in check. If not for his benefit, then that of those around him.

I didn't want to become that, I didn’t want to be him. I didn’t want alcohol to control me like that and thereby hurt the ones that I loved and cared for. I didn't want my wife and I to be torn apart by alcohol.

Although alcohol does control me to a certain degree, as in a dependence on it, because I will not say no, I am glad to say that I have never raised a drunken hand or word to my wife or child. And I have concurred that with her. She has been a most patient woman as I have tried in many different ways to try and come to grips with this degenerating lack of self-control. But I now know that there is no giving up alcohol. I don’t want to. I just want to not let it control my everyday. I don’t know which part of my body it is that is telling me to control it, and what part enjoys every sweet taste.

I have said it many times, and I will say it again – one of the wisest words that I have ever heard concerning alcohol were, “To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems.” Because it is so true. If alcohol becomes the solution to your problems, then it becomes your problem. But to rid yourself of that problem, you drink your “solution”, alcohol, your problem, and then it just becomes a bigger problem, until it beyond being able to see one side from another, and it becomes on mad circle of self-destruction.

So to make a point, or conclusion to all of this, I don’t think that alcoholism is a disease. I don’t think that it is hereditary. I do admit that there is a chemical addiction to it, and that trying to quit can have great physical pains that come with that decision. But one still has to take responsibility for the decisions that they make. Just as one would be praised for getting through the withdrawal and being able to start a new life, so one must take responsibility for making the opposite decision, and the consequences with it. It is time that we gave up these charades, known as “diseases” and “disorders” and mature as a human race.

With sword in hand, no one would keep him from his goal. No matter the horrid creatures that evil will rise up against him, there will be no stopping him from fulfill his goals. But it is so hard to defend the world alone. So hard to express those words that he so wants to tell her. And in the instant of her death at the sword of his adversary, it was too late. When death visited her door, there was no stopping it. It curses himself for his weakness and his lack of strength. If only he could have been there to stop it. If he had been strong enough to defeat his enemy before then she would still be here. But he wasn't strong enough. He thinks he wasn't brave enough.

He would kill to the ends of the earth, just to feel her embrace again. To hear her sweet voice, as she would laugh, girlishly, at his stoic and impassive remarks. All uttered to try to hide that he really did feel, he just saw them as a weakness, a crutch. For anyone that let's their emotions get the best of them, is weak for not being able to stifle such useless attachments.

But to little to late, and a day late and a dollar short, are what plague his mind day after day. No matter how he tries to push the memories of that day away, it does not work. As every flower, and every pollinating bee reminds him of her gentle spirit and compassion for all living things.

She was a woman of grace and beauty. She loved all things, and meant no harm to anything. She wanted all to be at peace and to get along, to flourish and cherish life in peace and tranquility.



And then he met someone that had the same pain. A man whose very life was constantly lived in solitude. For him, human interaction was not a choice. His penance for not being able to save the one that he loved, because of the evil that resided in him. He cursed his weakness, the monster that lived inside his flesh and blood. For he to lost someone close to him because of his weaknesses. He was not there to help her and he too curses himself for that. Unwilling to every love again, to ever feel happiness again, he closes himself off from all. Feeling that this is his punishment for the lack of strength that he should have had.

She told him that he didn't do anything wrong. That it was not his fault. That there was nothing he could have done to change those events. But he can't see it. He should have been there. He should have been able to slaughter anything and all in his path to reach her in time and save her. But he couldn't.

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We have all felt that there was something in our lifetime that we should have been able to accomplish. Or something that we should have been there for, but we weren't. There is something that we blame ourselves for because of a weakness, or crutch that we blame ourselves with. Despite all the reassurances that we get, we still blame ourselves.

What is your weakness?

What is it that you regret, or relive?

What will you do about it?

May U Live 2 See The Dawn

"I forgive you Terry, but you must first forgive yourself."

Thanks to the inspiration from Final Fantasy VII and the Fatal Fury series for these writings.

Just a few words on Miss Lucy's movie --

Mr. Squash -- love that mustache-side-burn combo, never had the nerve to do it myself. Awesome sir.

Miss Misty -- You were (and I'm sure still are) a very beautiful woman.

Miss SpringMoon -- My wife said it before I could, "She is very beautiful" And I say, yes she is.

Mr. Whit -- You really reminded me of my grandfather (my mom's father). I greatly apologize to put you in that age group, good sir, but it was a gut reaction when I saw your picture.

R.E. -- Dude, from clean cut to long hippy hair. And that last picture at prom (I presume) I can see that great beard spudding in that picture.

Miss Lucy -- Not at all how I pictured you, but then words on a computer don't give much of a clue.

Capt. Morgan -- Man didn't see that coming at all. At least from the current picture that you have of yourself in your gallery.

Mr. Mokie -- Sorry good sir, you didn't change much. Much like my father. All he did was loose his blond hair to dark hair, but pretty much looks the same.

Miss Queen -- The Capt is a lucky man, you a much the looker.

Miss Kristin -- Didn't even recognize you. You have changed much, but that is not a bad thing.

Chandabear -- I've seen your posts on Miss Misty's blog -- Yummy 8-)

May U Live 2 See The Dawn

"There must be an angel with a smile on her face, when she thought that I should be with you. But it's time to face the truth. I will never be with you."

It is 2:23am here in Oklahoma, and I have still not gone to bed. My wife and I tried to stay up and watch Final Fantasy: Advent Children, but she went up to bed about 20 minutes into it. Of course I give her credit that we had a "intermission", as she has been out of town for the past three days.

I was ecstatic and disappointed by this movie. For those of you who have not had the privilege of playing Final Fantasy VII, which Advent Children is a sequel to, might not find the importance of this movie.

I spent many hours playing FF7 on my PlayStation. A rough estimate might be in the neighborhood of 200+ hours, as the clock on the game stops at 99:59:59, so you have to guesstimate after that.

I want to thank you all for your comments on my poem "God, Man and Religion". I was telling my wife that I always find it strange that I get so many responses on stuff that I write on the fly. I wrote that poem while I was at work waiting for the freight trucks to pick up my freight so that I could go home. And yet on something, that to me, is so emotional, my post "It Makes Me Cry" I don't get many responses. Isn't it funny. What people like of what a person writes, as oppose to what the writer writes to try and get some response.

I have come a long way since I started this here postings. When I started, it was funny that I didn't get much response with my comic book based posts. But let a guy share some of his feelings and fears, and people eat it up. I don't like sharing me. I don't like revealing myself. Instead I would rather wrap a person's brain around something that is meaningful and important. And lately my beef as been with church.

Damn near a 6 pack of Coors and God knows how many Seagram's 7 and Mt. Dew drinks later, I am here, feebly trying to type a post, because sleep just will not come to me. Give me a minute, I need a dip of snuff ---

Thank you, I'm good now.

What will the subject be next?? Sex?? Oh yeah that might get Miss Donuts to stop by. "ohhh Adam, when was the last time you cleaned your fuel line?" LOL But seriously, Miss Donuts is the bomb. Anyone that comfortable with their sexual nature, I tip my hat to.

Politics?? Oh God no! My good friend R.E. is much more adapt at talking about politics than I am. Actually, my politics consist of being jealous that Bill got a knob job in the oval office, and the rest of the republicans are just mad they didn't. Just joking R.E. I greatly respect your views.

Maybe I could talk about something intelligent, like Miss MindPower always does. But then that would mean that I would have to be intelligent, and that I have never claimed to be. Miss MindPower truly is a gem when it comes to the youngsters. Which that statement in itself is scary, because that implies that I am old, and that is scary.

What about religion?? Well I have done that lately and it isn't good. As my pessimistic views on religion and God, are no support for those that are looking for meaning in their lives. Me?? I'm just happy that prohibition was repealed.

As you can see this late at night, with this much alcohol in me, I don't make much sense. Thank God for spellcheck.

Well I'd better get to bed, as my son doesn't sleep in just because I stayed up until 3am. I want to leave you with one statement that has become a real truth in my life. Now if I were to reveal the source of this statement some people might laugh at me and say that it is not a reliable source. But I have always said that one needs to look at the statement and not the person that stated it. After all, maybe even Mr. Dubyah has said something intelligent up to this point. But unless you are a scuba diver, I wouldn't hold your breath.

Thanks again for your support, and I hope that each and every one of you has a great and prosperous life.

May U Live 2 See The Dawn

"To alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems."

Note: Please respond with you answer in the form of a ala-Alex Trabeck response.

I'll take animated shows for $500 Alex.