What Would You Do? by Adam_Warlock

Much love to my first love, Paula Abdul. Heard Opposites Attract on the way over to the shop this morning, as I am on call. Holla Shane. Damn I hate being on call. I was just getting ready to get into that cold 12-pack of Coors Light too. But you know, work is work. Money is a necessary evil. Can't buy beer and copenhagen on my good looks. I've tried . . . the most I ever got was a 6-pack of Milwakee's Best and a can of Timber Wolf. So you can see my looks don't get me much.

Anywho . . . I just thought I'd place a little post here, since I had to come to work today. Computer is on it way to be up and running! YAY! I'm addicted to blogging, I really can't blame anyone but myself. I started it.

I was thinking about something the other night as I was driving back from the liquor store with a nice full fresh liter of Canadian Mist. Once and a while I do think a bit, but most of the time it is boobies and beer. Anyway. . . I heard "Alone Again (Naturally)" by Gilbert O'Sullivan on the radio. And I thought what a sad, sad song. For those of you that know the song, it is quite tearful. He talks about all the things that have happened in his life and how some of them have been a constant detrent to his happiness. One line sticks with me alot, no matter how many times I hear it.

I remember I cried when my father died
Never wishing to hide the tears
And at sixty-five years old,
My mother, God rest her soul,
Couldn't understand, why the only man
She had ever loved had been taken

Now my intention is not to make this a issue about God, and whether he takes people from this earth now (whether I do or not, we'll see). But what do you feel when someone that is that dear to you has died? I mean there has to be an explaintion to why someone has died. And many find that God being almighty should never have let something like that happen. So we tend to want to take it out on him. I know I sat there in the hospital many times, looking at my 2 pound, 10 week early son, and swore that if he didn't live, that God would never be forgiven. He struggled to live for the first 6 months of his life. We never knew what might happen. We had already had one miscarriage and wasn't going to lose another one, for him to just sit there and watch my son fight for his life. So I can totally attest to the feeling that he was singing about. It's hard to conceve of such a situation. As any parent would do everything they could to nurture and protect their children.

But he goes on to explain more about his mother and father . . .

Leaving her to start with a heart
So badly broken
Despite encouragement from me
No words were ever spoken
And when she passed away
I cried and cried all day
Alone again, naturally
Alone again, naturally

Her anger or misunderstanding of why her husband and his father had to die, kept her from ever really continuing to live her life. As if she was just waiting to die herself. Sorrow and anger can eat away at your soul and make you bitter. Lord knows I'm the most bitter person you'll know. I've had many posts like this any many discussions with two very dear women her on blogstream about this subject. But it always seems to help for me to push out these feeling as they are hard to share in person.

I have lost a child that I will never know, as it was only weeks old when he/she miscarried. But I also would have had two sisters if my mother had not had a stillborn. I would have had a sister Rachel. But we can't change the past and dwelling on it can only make the pain worse and the anger worse.

So I connect with words like his. Wondering what life we have that is filled with so much pain and sorrow. Although many of those things are caused by man themselves, as we can never seem to get along a race.

Some things happen. Why, a person might never know. Is there some grand plan as to why these things happen? I myself doubt it. But you make that assumption yourself. For a person that finds purpose and substance to life, will live it to the full. And not in a dark corner of a room. The longer you brew resentment and hatred to hotter it gets, and harder to let go.

So . . . if He takes one step forward, and I take two steps back . . . where does that leave me?

Would you take a step forward with him, or will I see you two steps back with me?

May U Live 2 See The Dawn.